Infertility Begins

This post was my first post about infertility, posted October 11th, 2010.

Mr TCI  and I decided in Spring 2008 that we would stop trying to prevent getting pregnant. We weren't going to full on try yet but just "not try not to". By August we were ready to move on to "trying". Two years later we are still trying. After one visit to a woman's clinic to rule out thyroid issues and pcos, both of which I was possibly showing symptoms of, I was given a clean bill of health and a bill once it was determined that my insurance doesn't even cover TALKING about fertility issues, let alone actually doing any fertility treatments. Since then we have just plugged along, living our lives and doing what we can on our own to boost fertility chances, hoping that it will happen.

We have talked about fertility treatments. We are naturally minded people who do not go the doctor, do not take drugs or medications unless it is absolutely necessary, we eat as organic and sustainable as we can. We abhor the thought of drugs and procedures and tests and...some say we just don't want to be parents badly enough. My mother actually had the nerve to say it that bluntly to me and then acted like she couldn't figure out why I started crying, hung up the phone on her and wouldn't talk to her for a few weeks. I finally had to break the ice and talk to her again, it wasn't worth losing my mom over but she has never so much as apologized to me. We don't talk about my infertility anymore and that upsets me greatly as my mom is one of my best friends and I thought I could talk to her about anything. (Current addendum, we are back to more solid ground about talking about things. She occasionally comes out with a comment here or there that stings a bit but she means well so I try not to let it bother me).

Anyways.

I struggle with the fertility treatment issue. It's not just the drug thing or the doctor thing. Our insurance covers nothing as I stated above, I had to pay for the freaking thyroid test because I mentioned messed up cycles as one possible symptom of thyroid problems. We are not rich. We aren't poor, but we aren't rich. We are working very hard to be debt free. We are in gazelle intensity mode. We don't have thousands of dollars to put towards medical treatments. Sure we could get a loan or put it on credit cards but that is what we are trying to get away from, debt. Not that a baby wouldn't be worth it. If the fertility treatments even worked. Did you know that 1 in 5 women with fertility problems never carry a child to term? Regardless of fertility treatments? That's appalling. Scary. So I could go against everything we believe, dig us so far into debt we may never climb out, pump myself full of drugs that will do who knows what to me only to end up 5-10-15 years down the road and still not have a baby. Part of me is willing to take the risks. Sell everything. Borrow what we can. Charge the rest. Anything.

I just want to be a mom.